Posted in: Hot Topics, Parenting Concerns

Topics: Bullying, conflict resolution, Digital Media, Parenting, Relationships

By Gene Beresin, Executive Director

When I was in 6^th grade, a small group of bullies from my class frequently hid in bushes I walked past to go home from school. Each encounter was clearly the same: One big kid, Burt (I still remember his name) grabbed me from behind and held me back while three kids punched me repeatedly.

I never told anyone. I was ashamed. My only recourse was to hide my bike in different bushes behind the school and tear off to get home and escape assault. I still have anxious memories about this horrible time in my life. After they could find my path home to assault me, my driveway repeatedly had swastikas drawn in chalk on the driveway. We were the first Jews in that suburb of Philadelphia.

This was in the early 1960s. Times have changed.

Now we must deal with a much more formidable force – Cyberbullying. While physical assaults have decreased considerably, online attacks are far more common. The consequences can be devastating. And research indicates that nearly half of teens have been bullied or harassed online.

What is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is a form of bullying in which one or more people use digital technologies to intentionally cause harm to another person. It is repeated behavior aimed at causing fear, anger, shame or humiliation in the person targeted.

Types and Platforms of Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying can happen across digital space where young people can communicate with others. The specific apps and platforms teens use shift constantly, but the categories and popular examples include:

• Text and direct messaging (SMS, WhatsApp, Signal, iMessage
• Social media platforms (Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, X/Twitter)
• Online forums and community boards (Reddit Discord)
• Live streaming and video sharing apps (Twitch, Youtube, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook)
• Dating, social discovery, and anonymous messaging apps
• Online and multiplayer video games (including games with built-in chat features, voice communication, or social hubs like Roblox or Fortnite)
• Email

Cyberbullying behaviors include:

• Offensive name calling
• Spreading false rumors
• Excluding someone from events or online conversations
• Sending abusive or threatening messages, including physical threats
• Sending explicit images without consent
• Posting sensitive, private, or embarrassing information without consent
• Making a fake online identity to track or harm someone (catphishing)

Cyberbullying is vastly different than face to face bullying like my experience as a young teen. It can be viewed by large numbers, including peers, friends of friends, adults and even strangers depending on the platform and privacy settings. It can be persistent and permanent. Once posted you can’t take it back. Even temporary posts can be saved, andreposted. And it can escalate. Once posted online it can be captured, amplified, or manipulated by others.

Who is at Risk?

All kids are at risk, but some face even higher risk including those with:

• Behavioral and emotional challenges
• Autism Spectrum disorders
• Intellectual, developmental, learning disabilities, or speech and language disorders
• LGBTQI+
• Immigrants and people of color
• Lack of social media use

What are the Signs of Harm?

Kids, teens and young adults may endure immediately:

• Shock or helplessness
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Fear or shame
• Low self-esteem
• Frustration or anger
• Physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, even panic attacks

In the intermediate or even long term, they may reveal (or experience and conceal):

• Academic decline
• Social avoidance or isolation
• School refusal
• Lack of interest in hobbies, interests and activities
• Change in their typical behavior (becoming irritable, isolated, quiet or not participating in conversations)
• Suicidal thoughts, intent or behavior (such as self-harm)

What Can Parents and Caregivers Do?

Learn About Cyberbullying

The first step is for you to be knowledgeable in the ways cyberbullying can occur and the kids who are at risk.

Become more media literate and use resources for understanding cyberbullying. This includes:

• StopBullying.gov
• CommonSenseMedia.org
• The Cyberbullying Research Center
• The Bullying Prevention Program (in Mass.gov)

Take Action

The first step is what we can do at home.

It is imperative that you keep an eye on behavioral changes, as noted above. Remember that some kids will conceal their inner suffering. In any case here are some tips:

• Have Conversations: Talk with your kids about digital media and start early, even before they have smart phones. Ask what apps they are using, what forms of social media, online engagement of all sorts. And talk with them about use and misuse of digital media. Gently ask if they have been bullied or mistreated, with the initial understanding that this is confidential. It is better to start with private conversations, though as we shall see moving beyond confidentiality may be needed for a necessary intervention
• Listen, validate their feelings, talk with an open mind and be curious about what they and others are doing in their use of digital media.
• If you find they have been cyberbullied, bravo! Many kids worry that you will bulldoze your way into their lives only making things worse. Let them know for now you just want to understand their experience. Then later we can talk about what we can and should do. For starters:
  • Find out what happened in as much detail as possible
  • Let your child know that you and others will help them be safe
  • Reach out and get support from other caring adults – older siblings, peers, parents in your child’s life.
• Talk With Others:
  • If you find your child has been cyberbullied, talk with your child’s teachers, coaches, youth group leaders, and anyone who may have knowledge of the events that took place or who is connected to the community through which the cyberbullying took place.
  • Ask them what they are doing to manage cyberbullying and let them keep the issue on their radar
  • If you find the perpetrators, this is when an intervention is necessary. You might need, even with objections, to inform school or other leader, parents of alleged perpetrators, and meet in a safe forum to address the issue.
• Get Bystanders Out of the Corners
  • If your child has been cyberbullied efforts need to be made to rally observers or other friends or trusted peers to join them in safely standing up to perpetrators who bully. Visible support is important to help reinforce that cyberbullying is unacceptable. Try to avoid letting peers be bystanders and instead encourage them to be upstanders.
• Take Community Action: Cyberbully can only be stopped when the entire community makes an effort to have zero tolerance for misbehavior and creates rules against bullying and guidelines for appropriate use of digital media. Antibullying efforts need to take place everywhere that children live – at home, in school, in sports, in clubs and community groups, and in places of worship. The best plan is that the rules are consistent and enforced across all domains.
• Be Thoughtful About Online Media: We are all, kids and adults alike, tethered to digital media. We should work toward creating a culture that encourages taking breaks from phone and social media use. And we all need to learn how to use privacy controls to prevent certain posts to go viral.
• Seek Professional Help: If your child is emotionally affected and there is negative impact on academic, social, recreational or family life, talk with your pediatrician and seek a professional mental health evaluation.

We are living in a precarious age. Digital media indeed, can be used for better or worse. We have all not yet learned to harness it for our health, wellbeing and prosperity. If we collaborate at home, in our community and nationally we can surely prevent harm.