By Gene Beresin, Executive Director

Posted in: Hot Topics

Topics: Hot Topics

Of all the times that I’ve been burned/By now you’d think I’d have learned/That it’s who you look like, not who you are/You all keep that in mind – Jackson Browne (1977)

Social pressures on physical appearance are not new. Girls and young women have sustained a thinness imperative from the Flappers in the 1920s, through the present. An ideal of thinness for women has been compounded by the use of social media associating thinness with beauty, wealth, success and belonging.

Boys and young men have been influenced far less, though for some not insignificantly. Witness the body building and action figure dominance from the 1960s to 1980s as exemplified by superheroes and the V-taper focus of The Terminator. And now for boys and young men, the emphasis on physical appearance has been captured and promoted by social and streaming media. Witness the ultimate extreme – looksmaxxing.

What is Looksmaxxing?

Looksmaxxing is an online trend used by young men to “maximize” their appearance according to prescribed, mathematical metrics that follow a prescribed paradigm. The sole emphasis is modifying one’s physical stature to achieve self-improvement.

It has all the earmarks of a cult. Led by Braden Peters, known as Clavicular, an online streamer who posits that the ideal of male attractiveness and “sexual market value,” is appearance. Clavicular has developed a series of Looksmaxxing words and phrases that capture who you are – “subhuman” (totally inferior), “normie” (normal), “Chad” (white, muscular, affluent). And during streaming, he would conduct “mogging,” the process of comparing an individual clearly out of line with the “ascendent” metrics, with one who is close to “perfection.” This kind of humiliation, narcissism and toxic masculinity is a notable feature of looksmaxxing.

The techniques to achieve predetermined physical appearance, such as precise metrics for waist size, muscularity, jawline, and “hunter eyes,” angled slightly upward, may be achieved in several ways including:

Softmaxxing: grooming procedures such as skin care, “mewing” or putting the tongue up toward the palate to lengthen the jaw (and it does not work).

Hardmaxxing: including “bone smashing,” using various tools to bash and alter the jaw; surgical procedures, such as forms of cosmetic surgery; substance use (steroids, testosterone injections, weight loss drugs) and restrictive dieting (“starvemaxxing”).

These processes have been embedded in online platforms that embrace toxic communities that promote a distorted vision of masculinity, misogyny, and to some extent self-harm or advocate suicide if goals are not met. And influencers have used the goals of looksmaxxing to promote and sell various products that claim to be transformative, and none are based on clinical evidence.

Dangers of Looksmaxxing:

Though there have not been studies on the etiology or consequences of looksmaxxing per se, research has shown that excessive appearance preoccupation, use of social media to focus on appearance, and compulsive behaviors aimed at cosmetic improvements, all in alignment with looksmaxxing has mental health and physical health risks including:

• Body Dysmorphic Disorder: a preoccupation and chronic dissatisfaction with perceived flaws in one’s body. They are generally not seen by others, and generate chronic mirror checking, repetitive grooming, taking frequent selfies, and low self-esteem. They are associated with high levels of anxiety and depression. This disorder usually starts before age 18 and has been associated with significant suicide risk
• Excessive Social Media Dependence related to Appearance: an ongoing use of social media focusing on appearance, with compulsive attempts to model what one sees in digital media – often resulting in significant dissatisfaction, as the “ideals” seen in doctored images or videos cannot be replicated. Often the viewer seeks endless reassurance. There have been associations with generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder
• Eating Disorders: studies have shown a relationship to eating disordered behaviors, and worse body image.
• Physical Health Risks: including consequences of cosmetic surgical procedures on young developing bodies.

What To Look For:

Parents and caregivers may notice any of these behaviors:

• Preoccupation with appearance, such as frequent checking in mirrors or taking many selfies
• Changes in mood, anxiety, irritability
• Social isolation at home, with friends and activities
• Increased needs for reassurance about appearance
• Increased attention and anxiety about food, diet, counting calories, exercise
• Preoccupation with smart phone content

What We Can Do: Tips for Parents and Caregivers:

Before we go into specific interventions, let’s consider a general overview. Parents need to keep in mind and reinforce that identity is grounded on one’s values, personal traits such as kindness, generosity, honest, trustworthy, and of accepting of differences, particularly in personal relationships. We want our kids to be independent, resilient, able to make sound, healthy decisions, and possess the ability to be self-reflective, aware of problems, and come to trusted individuals for help and guidance. Beauty is grounded in who you are, not what you look like.

With this framework in mind, here are some guidelines for our helping young people:

• Have Frequent Conversations: talking about feelings, body image, appearance, relationships and much more should begin in preschool, and keep in mind that all conversations should be developmentally informed. Talking about one’s body, feelings about weight, care of one’s body is very different for a 5-year-old than a 10- or 16-year-old. And conversations should be short, intermittent, and not “meetings” – no kid wants meetings or lectures!
• Ask How You Feel About Your Appearance: Remember to be non-judgmental, and accepting their feelings as valid, even if you disagree. If they feel they are too “fat” ask how they came to that conclusion. Discuss safe and healthy options to become fit.
• Focus on Interests, Values, What Makes Them Who They Are: These are all components of identity as noted above. Celebrate positive, admirable personal traits over appearance. All kids want parental approval. Express pride in who they are, not as much what they look like.
• Demonstrate and Promote Self-Care: Engaging them in principles of healthy exercise, nutrition, good sleep hygiene, meditation, yoga – are super important in wellbeing
• Set Limits on Use of Screen Time and Digital Media: This requires knowing what social and digital media you and your kids are using. It is never a good idea to spy on them, as it breaches trust. But have discussions about the places they go online, time spent on social media and have realistic limits you can set together for them and you as a parent. After all, most of us overuse digital media and we really need more face time with each other, family and friends.
• Address Problems If You See Them: It you see behavioral, emotional, or personality changes it is always good to ask about what you are seeing. But remember, these may be hot buttons for your kids, so be gentle, curious, and try to understand their point of view.
• If You Think Problems Are Severe, Get Professional Help: If you believe your child is involved in looksmaxxing or any of its mental or physical downsides, it is always wise to seek a professional psychological or psychiatric evaluation.

Let’s face it, we all struggle with appearance. It is a consequence of pervasive social forces. However, we can balance our feeling comfortable in our own skin and help our kids feel similarly.