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February 15, 2018
Posted in: Hot Topics
Perhaps the hardest, certainly the saddest, and without question the most frustrating thing about sharing this post is that we have shared it now again and again over the past few years. Please do not allow the frequency of events like yesterday’s awful news to ever seem routine. The advice that we offer still holds. The statistics that we share are still valid. But we must, as a society, make changes. This can never be something that we come to expect.
– The Clay Center Team
Who wouldn’t be shocked and terrified by these statistics? Anyone reading would come to the alarming conclusion that our country is not a very safe place.
And today is no exception. In fact for many, it seems to support a “new normal.” Check the online news, and you’ll immediately find coverage of recent shootings across the country. Devastatingly, we can keep adding numbers to the list.
So, how do we respond to these horrifying incidents? Naturally, each evokes a sense of terror, fear for our own safety, and sadness for the victims and their loved ones. Was it yet another random act of violence by a troubled individual, or retaliation by a disgruntled former employee? In some ways, the impetus of any given attack does not matter; overall, however, each event makes us wary and vigilant of another calculated death at our doorstep—no matter where we live in the United States.
But, let’s look beyond our immediate gut reactions and take things step by step. As with any crisis, we can expect media coverage to extend across our televisions, computers, and mobile devices. The worry evoked is therefore exponential, and as parents and educators, we must consider the impact on the most impressionable and vulnerable among us—our kids. Especially when kids are among the victims.
The sad and scary truth is that murders do occur in the U.S. with some regularity. But, for a population of over 300 million, thankfully, they do not touch most of us directly. The fact remains—even on days like today, when it doesn’t feel so—that we are fortunate to live in a fundamentally safe nation.
The point we want to address here is how we can help our children live with confidence and self-assurance in this world, without fear that their everyday life will be filled with imminent danger.
How then, can we help our kids make some sense of tragedies like these, and put them into perspective?
As with any of our parenting guidelines, the approach for each child should be developmentally appropriate. What helps a 7-year-old cope with fear and anxiety may not be the same for a 17-year-old.
Here are some basic tips for parents:
Toddlers And Preschoolers
Very young children are more disturbed by their parents’ and caregivers’ distress than by the actual event itself. They may not fully understand what happened, or see it as more than an act on TV. That’s why they’re comforted more by your actions than your words. Be careful how you present yourself to them, both emotionally, and in conversation with others. Naturally, they will pick up on your reactions.
Encourage your school-aged children to share their feelings and concerns with you. Certainly, they will have heard about this event. Reports of the shooting may frighten them, even if they’re afraid or embarrassed to admit it. Assure them that it’s all right for them to be upset, and that you’ll do everything you can to protect them from harm.
Adolescents may be scared; they will wonder what this means for the lives they’ll lead as young adults. For example, ‘Will I be safe in college, or in the community where I live and work?’ They may struggle with questions about justice, power, the use of weapons—issues that directly relate to violent events.
If nothing else, remember that kids of any age will want to know the answer to these three fundamental questions:
Some media and political pundits may lobby for the extensive use of metal detectors in schools and public places; others may advocate for fewer restrictions on hand guns and concealed weapons. We disagree with the latter; evidence has shown repeatedly that placing greater restrictions on hand guns is most effective.
But, we are not here to argue that point.
First and foremost, it’s our responsibility to comfort and reassure our kids, and to shield them from living with paranoia and excessive fear. Then, let’s work together to find ways to help us all be kinder, more gentle people who oppose solving conflict through violence.